Smokin’

It smells like someone’s smoking a hog at eight in the morning…

With Thanksgiving less than a week away, I’d like to think that someone close by is, and that maybe they’ll share since I have no confidence the cheap-ass catered meal my granddaddy is providing will be at all satisfying.

Of course, the real reason I’m salivating for some hickory smoked bacon is much more ominous. The mountains in North Carolina are on fire, and a strong southwesterly wind is blowing the smoke right up to my back step. Meteorologists forecast the air quality to be at level orange, which isn’t good for anyone with a respiratory disease like asthma.

So this is what it’s like to live in California. Windy, dry (it hasn’t rained since Hurricane Matthew), untamable wildfires. I still remember the earthquake from a few years ago that shook the entire east coast. I even remember where I was when it happened. 2PM Linguistics class, second floor of Storrs, a maze of a building, home to the School of Architecture—where sculptures descended from ceilings and rose up from the wood floors—on UNC Charlotte’s main campus. To this day, I can’t understand why the hell an English class was in the Architecture building. But back to my story… I’d just sat down at my desk when the floor beneath me began to vibrate…

Turns out the epicenter of that quake was in DC, and it registered pretty high on the Richter scale, at least for an east coast quake, enough to damage the Washington Monument. Of course, in east coast fashion, we blew the whole thing way out of proportion, going so far as to design T-shirts and create Facebook pages called “I Survived the DC Earthquake of 2011!”

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The governor has come out and said that someone intentionally set these fires. Probably a couple of young bloods protesting Donald Trump’s election, or celebrating it, you never know with the crop of people he attracts.

I’m surprised McCrory even has time to worry about these fires, given that he and his Republican buddies are calling foul on the election, claiming there’s something fishy going on with the absentee ballots. Wow, you think! Funny, when you passed the “Voter Fraud” law, which essentially disenfranchised the minority, millennial, and senior citizen vote, you didn’t bother to touch the absentee ballots, where most of the fraud occurs. Now you’re mad that you lost. Tough luck, kid. I thought the results of this race was supposed to bring us all together, not further ripe us apart.

Knowing the Republicans, there’s probably some kind of mythical dragon flying around, blowing hot air, setting pines and Christmas trees ablaze, rigging gubernatorial elections, forcing people to flash themselves before they enter bathrooms. It’s a crazy world we live in. Good thing we still have smoked, barbecued pork in this hazy smog.

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